Well, over the past year, I’ve had many reasons to not blog:
I met a boy. I was preocuppied flirting with said boy and then spending every moment possible hanging out with my new boyfriend. Then I started planning a wedding (though I did occasionally take breaks to whine about it on my blog)…
But finally, that is over. And I want to blog again. So here I am.
I won’t compose anything long or profound, as I have a paper to write on this lovely Saturday evening. But I will offer a few initial thoughts on my current life situation:
It’s a funny thing being a married woman.
When I first came to Fuller I felt out of place because there were so many married people. I thought they must look on me quite differently because of my differing life state–even if they were only a couple years older than me, I felt like a child around them. This changed as I started making couple-friends with Jeremiah at Fuller, as well as meeting Jeremiah’s married high school and college friends. And now I feel on the verge of normal around other married people.
But still, I sometimes feel odd.
I think now the oddity comes from feeling that even though I’m married, I still don’t necessarily “fit in.” Or at least I won’t for long. Out of the other young married people I know, it seems many are already having kids or think they will want to get pregnant in the next year or two and this is an odd thing for me. We want to go do more school and don’t plan on having kids for 5+ years. It’s hard to imagine losing my freedom earlier than that. Additionally, as we talk to other couples, it seems most are planning for the woman to stay home at least a couple years, if not semi-permanently, while I’m hoping we can work out a happy dual-part-time-type arrangement–and we’re not necessarily against having a babysitter or using daycare so we can each do 3/4 time rather than 1/2 time, etc. Among many white middle-class evangelicals, this seems to be a big no-no.
It shouldn’t matter to me what anyone else is doing, but I find myself wondering what those next five years will be like–and then a couple decades of parenting–especially as an evangelical woman. I’m just hoping I will grow to appreciate mommy friends more… and maybe also meet a few other women that want to keep their careers. (Of course, most of my friends from college are not married, so there are many potential people for that category, really.)
I may have a 2BR apartment, may have a joint bank account, may be wrapping up my first graduate degree, and may be considering buying a house in the next year… But clearly I’m still lacking the maturity to be able to truly understand and respect other people’s decisions, as this whole baby-craze and careerlessness still rather boggles my mind.